6 Years... Looking Back: Post 2

August 5, 2006

I married my best friend. In our English wedding vows, I recognized the truth that "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of Lights with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow." (James 1:17). I promised him many things that were, deep in my heart and mind - to pray for him, to invest in learning how to be his friend and wife, to be faithful to him alone, to uplift, encourage and respect him, to submit to his leadership, to seek to trust even when I don't understand, to seek God so I learn to be less selfish and selflessly love, serve, and uplift him, to stand by him through life and its uncertainties... to be together, always. 

Here's a look back to that day:

August 5, 2012

I have not been perfect in these promises, but they are still my heart. Josh is still my best friend. We still enjoy our time together, our friendship, we love laughing, comedy, a good sermon teaching truth through an expository preaching of God's Word, swimming as a family of 3 (soon to be 4), time with our extended family, playing games, working on our home together, parenting together, and our amazing children! I am committed to these promises still and depend on our God to help me continue to grow, learn, and be the friend, confidante, wife, and helpmate He intends. 

What I've learned so far:

1. They are right - communication IS key... and it IS hard. Work at it... it is SO important. Use words with honesty, directness, grace, kindness, and always... prayer. 

2. Money IS a challenge - whether you have a lot or a little... it is an area to communicate about, and to approach as a team. We have found Dave Ramsey's program to be a HUGE blessing! We HIGHLY recommend his Financial Peace University class! We always called ourselves Team Bruffey and Dave's FPU made us a team when it came to our money and finances!

3. Parenting together is AMAZING! It is hard and wonderful and a truly team endeavor! It takes patience and time and learning. It is not to be done in opposition, but entered in unity as a team... it will take both of you. I have GREAT respect for all parents and a unique respect for single parents - I cannot imagine this journey or investing in and loving on another life, the life of a child, without my best friend / husband! and it is wonderful - through the hard, the uncertain, the laughter, the tears... it is the second best decision as a couple we have made, next only to our decision to pledge our lives to each other. 

4. Life will happen while you're making other plans. Yes, I loved "Mr Holland's Opus" and find this statement to be so true. Even as we've prayed, sought God's wisdom and counsel, there have been times when we made decisions based on how we thought things would unfold, and they took a completely different path. We have found that approaching this together, with communication and patience, keeps us united and traveling together. 

5. We need God, Yahweh, Jesus our Christ... without Him we are but selfish, discontent, and prone to wander into our own needs and desires. With Him, we learn (slowly most the time it seems!) that love IS "patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails" (1 Corinthians 13: 4 - 8, NASB).

Oh Lord - how much I have to learn deep within about how to best LOVE my husband. Only in YOU, through YOU, because of YOU!

Quotes from one of our favorite books on marriage that we both read early in our marriage, "I, Isaac, take Thee, Rebekah" by Ravi Zacharias (long one of my favorite Christian speakers/evangelists/teachers):

1. "Is this person the one for whom you are willing to die daily? Is this person to whom you say, "I do" also the one for whom you are willing to say, "No, I don't" to everybody else? Be assured that marriage will cost you everything."


2. "Love is as much a question of the will as it is of the emotion. And if you WILL to love somebody, you can."


3. "Love is a commitment that will be tested in the most vulnerable areas of spirituality, a commitment that will force you to make some very difficult choices. It is a commitment that demands that you deal with your lust, your greed, your pride, your power, your desire to control, your temper, your patience, and every area of temptation that the Bible clearly talks about. It demands the quality of commitment that Jesus demonstrates in His relationship to us."


4. "Unless I understand the Cross, I cannot understand why my commitment to what is right must be precedence over what I prefer."


5. "Without the will, marriage is a mockery; without emotion, it is a drudgery. You need both, If your will is not committed to that person you have made a mockery of them."


6. "The responsibility of marriage and family demands time, and when we cheat on that, we rob ourselves of the investment returns."


7. "Love is hard work. I would carry it one step further. It is the hardest work I know of, work from which you are never entitled to take a vacation. You take on burdens and cares. You inherit problems. You have to feel beyond yourself. You have to think of things other than yourself. Your responsibilities are now multiplied, and you are trusted with greater commitments."


8. "Chivalry in love has nothing to do with the sweetness of the appearance. It has everything to do with the tenderness of a heart determined to serve. That is the first hard lesson to learn. You do not act under the impetus of charm but out of a commitment to make someone’s life the joy you want it to be. In the early days of marriage, joy precedes the act. Tragically, as the years go by joy can be severed from the act until finally, the act itself is no more. This ought not to be. Over time it is the companionship that brings joy, and service is the natural outworking of the joy of commitment. Failure to act kills it... But this kind of commitment does not come easily. Only if it is taken seriously does it become a sheer delight of the heart. I will also add that this kind of commitment is not seen much in the times in which we live. The reason we have a crisis in our gender relationships is not that we are culturally indoctrinated but that we would rather be served than serve. We would rather be the head than the feet. The Christian faith stands unique in pointing out that the Son of Man came to seek and to save that which was lost. The Son of Man came to serve. This means that the service He gave to humanity was given even when we least merited that sacrifice. There is a joy in service that transcends emotional temporariness."


9. "The playwright Thornton Wilder said it well: “I didn’t marry you because you were perfect. I didn’t even marry you because I loved you. I married you because you gave me a promise. That promise made up for your faults. And the promise I gave you made up for mine. Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marriage. And when our children were growing up, it wasn’t a house that protected them; and it wasn’t our love that protected them—it was that promise.”"

Just rereading these quotes is convicting and reminds me of my WILL to love my husband. We had a premarital counselor tell us that love was a choice... that he woke up daily and decided to love his wife. As newlyweds that seemed so easy, but when money is tight or health is poor or hopes are dashed - the commitment to a will is SO important! I DO choose to love this amazing man that was and is God's wedding gift to me. 

Happy Anniversary, beloved!





Yours... with a Purpose... Still!


143, 


~ Elizabeth
Wife of One