Ruth Evelyn Bruffey: A Journey to {Home} Birth

Ruth's Birth Story... Mama's Birth Story... Daddy's Birth Story

Me and my water baby, at home, enjoying our new life together surrounded by peace!

After our pregnancy and the journey God lead us on as we waited on the arrival of this little blessing, our birth started better than I could have hoped our imagined - just as things written by God are prone to! I was born prematurely, the second twin to my beloved sister, Dr. Virginia Parish Beard. I've always been a bit sickly and struggled with health and overall physical wellness. Preparing for a natural birth was the most physically disciplined thing I've ever done. Giving birth naturally with no pain medications was the most physically intense thing I've ever done. God used this to show me that HE in me IS strength and that I am NOT weak, but that there is a strength in me I never knew! As a second born, premature birth myself, I found through this, my second journey with birth, a strength in me as a woman, a faith in God as a Christian, and a love from my God as His daughter all deeper than anything I've ever known. I thank God for choosing this part of my life as one to teach me, discipline me, and grow me down His path! Here is my story, HIS story, my daughter's story, and my husband's story...

Friday night, October 5, 2012, I was sitting on my couch while my firstborn slept down the hall. I was blogging about our season of waiting and God's work in my heart as I eagerly looked forward to the birth of our second child while watching a PBS miniseries called "Call the Midwife" (and I plan to order this series on DVD as a special memory of the night I went into labor).

There were several prayers and dreams I had listed and been praying over for our birth:

My Home Birth Prayers & Dreams

~ Elizabeth Bruffey ~

Midwife: Joni Yankus             Doula: Kaitlyn Wages      Birth Photographer: Brandie Davis

1. Praying that our midwife, Joni, is in town. She has preplanned travel September 20 – 23 to PA and we really want her here when we give birth, so that is a huge prayer (although, with a 10/3 due date, we don’t expect to go 10 to 14 days early!)
2. Praying for this, too: I envision it raining – a nice, fall rain that isn’t dangerous to drive in, but sets a gray, beautiful mood – I’m a water-lover and rain falling would really help the rhythm of me working with contractions
3. Praying that Ruth is perfectly positioned
4. Praying that my labor progresses with the “normal” rise and fall of rushes (unlike my sporadic, crazy labor with my firstborn J )
5. Praying that we know the right time to get Jacob to our friend, Sarah’s, home and whether Josh will be able to take him there or she’ll pick him up so that it works well with the progression of labor
6. Praying that Jacob is brought home quickly after Ruth is born so we have pictures of him meeting his sister and that he is not gone from us for too long
7. Praying that everyone involved in this team (midwife, doula, photographer) are able to arrive at the right time for this birth
8. Praying for the assistant to Joni to be a supportive, integrated part of the birth that brings additional peace and encouragement
9. Use of Essential Oils
10. Use of some candles
11. Definite birth pool! Love water!  Would love to deliver in water.
12. I would like Josh in the pool with me some.
13. I want to think of words like “opening” instead of “dilating” and “rushes” instead of “contractions” – with a linguistics background I think the power of these words will be significant
14. I would like to have a mirror available for seeing progress of pushing, I think
15. Guidance in positions during labor
16. Music!! I’ll be working on a CD to have playing
17. Verses to read and quote – and I don’t mind having them read to me if there are good verses my doula/midwife know
18. Infrequent vaginal checks
19. Encouraging words from birth team, with more soft, strong tones
20. Delay cord cutting, immediate skin to skin, breastfeeding, herbal bath, etc. – the “norms” with good, out of hospital, natural birth J
21. Josh does not think he wants to catch Ruth, but thinks he would like to cut the cord, but isn’t 100% sure
22. I would LOVE some Sonic ice to munch on J
23. Josh: what will help me as a partner is just knowing Elizabeth is taken care of

I share these to guide how our birth unfolded in the hands of an all capable, all loving God who gave us, as our midwife and doula had believed and prayed, a redemptive birth beyond all we deserve or had even prayed! I have always been a person who loves life and relishes the celebrations of life, from birthdays to weddings to any milestone we can celebrate! My beloved husband knows how I love to life live in awe of such moments and how God weaves them into the lives of people. He was so supportive of our pregnancy and birth and pursuing this as one of those milestones in the life of our family!

WATER BEGINS OUR WATER BIRTH

So, it was 9:45pm as I was almost done with, ironically, a blog post on waiting on our Ruth as I watched "Call the Midwife" when I felt it - a huge GUSH. It was like something out of a movie! My water had broken! I looked down, surprised and at first thought, "what in the world!?" I was so prepared to wait that I couldn't immediately wrap my heart or mind around the reality of what was happening. In moments though this reality set in - I hopped up, headed to the restroom while grabbing my phone, and called my husband. It was just about 10pm as we talked, which means God answered one of the prayers we'd had that week - for Josh to finish out his entire work week so we had all that income and started our new family life over a weekend! Josh answered (another detail as he often can't hear his phone if I call at work!) and I said, while sort of laughing, "I think my water just broke! You need to come home!" Josh laughed in a good, excited way and said, "OK! I'm coming!" He told me later that he and his boss had a code word for when I went into labor - that Josh would just get his attention in the warehouse and say, "BABY!" and his boss would know. In his excitement, Josh got Sean's (supervisor) attention and said "water broke!" Sean was like "what?" (the warehouse is noisy) and Josh then said, "BABY! Wife's water broke!" and Sean replied "GO!" and Josh was headed home! I love my husband! 

I then called my doula, Kaitlyn. She was so excited for us, "It's baby time!" She asked a few questions to ensure all was normal, there was no meconium, etc. and then encouraged me to rest and just keep her posted since I was not yet having contractions. She also encouraged me to wear something to soak up the fluid, telling me that my water would keep coming now that it had broken. I am SO glad she mentioned this, as it proved to be QUITE true! 

I then texted my midwife and birth photographer to give them a heads up, knowing it would probably be a while, especially since I hadn't had any contractions yet. 

Then, I texted our friend, Sarah, who had agreed to take Jacob to her home when we were in labor. We discussed whether she would take him sooner or wait a while, and I knew that I needed the peace of knowing he was with her. She sent the best message saying that it was her desire for me to know that "BB1 was taken care of"! Sarah is a fellow believer in Christ and a woman and wife I admire. She parents in a way I respect and I knew Jacob would be in a home of love and grace where there were also expectations, rules, and routines that give a sense of love and security. We had not yet packed Jacob (thinking it would be a while before Ruth was born), so we agreed that I would wait until Josh got home, get Jacob up and packed, and text Sarah to come and pick him up. Once Josh got home, we hugged, prayed, and then set about getting Jacob ready. Sarah arrived around midnight and we took one last picture of me with my boy and sent him home with Sarah. It was SO hard to see him go, even as I had a deep peace he was where he needed to be. 

Our final picture as just us 2! I have LOVED our 23 months, Jacob Parish Bruffey! You will ALWAYS be my firstborn - the child who made me Mama and taught me about pregnancy, birth, and the beauty of having a little life connected to my own. The joy of little hands that sign and a little voice that says, "Mama". The complete wonder of little arms around my neck and a little laugh to fill our home. I can't wait to see you as Ruth's big brother, her protector, her teacher, and the boy she will admire!

When we got Jacob up, we had moved our recliner so our living room seemed HUGE and Jacob LOVED running around! My boy loves life BIG, just like his Mama!

A HOME IS A HAVEN FOR ALL WHO ENTER

That is my desire for our home... So, as I waited on Josh to get home, I began my checklist of setting up my home to welcome our birth team. I had already put out our birth supplies in our dining area where the birth pool would go days in advance, so that was taken care of. I started in the kitchen, setting out our crockpot with the dairy/soy free organic chicken and vegetable soup I had made weeks earlier and frozen. Then, I set out the various labor snacks for myself and the team and wrote them a note so they would know where things were. I made sure there was coffee and hot tea (since the weather was cool and VERY fall just as my heart desired!). I lit my candles that I had bought at Bath & Body Works when shopping for the gifts for our birth team. I moved Kylee's crate to our laundry room and crated her so she was settled for whenever labor started. Josh made sure she had food and water before labor really got intense and our doula arrived.

Josh arrived home, we got Jacob up, dressed, packed, and off, then we made sure our dining/living room was prepared as a birthing room, which we had planned for in advance. Josh moved our recliner and end table across the room and set up a tarp and our birth pool! As Josh did this, I went and laid down (around midnight after Jacob left) to rest as much as I could while I waited excitedly on contractions to come. I still believed it would be a while, so wanted to sleep, having read and heard so many stories about home births and knowing how important any sleep I could get would be as labor progressed. 

Here are pictures of our home all ready for our birth and birth team:

Our Kitchen Set and Ready

Some snacks for the team and a laboring Mama and Daddy

Hot tea for our cold fall birth day (with rain!!)

I love hot tea!

Fall mugs for the team on our truly fall labor and BIRTH day!

I had baked cookies (bought by my sweet Mama at her final visit for time with just Jacob) and frozen them, so set them out for the team to enjoy.

These snacks were a Whole Foods purchase - all dairy/soy free!

Our coffee bar ready for the team

Organic, homemade chicken and vegetable soup!

A delicious, healthy meal I was so proud to have ready for our team. Thank you to a local midwife, Sarah Jones, for posting this recipe on Facebook for others to enjoy! I ate on it for the first week after Ruth's birth!

The note I wrote for the team.

Jacob and I have been doing calendar time since this August, using this calendar system I bought and made when I was a Deaf education consultant/teacher in Kentucky back in 2009. I always hoped I would one day have children to use this with! Jacob started calling this activity "days!" at first, then recently started calling it "Fridays!!" We find it funny that, at not-yet-2-years-old, he already finds Friday an exciting concept! We had done our "days" at breakfast and I was compelled to take this picture when getting the house ready for the birth team to freeze in time this special day when our labor began!

Our birth pool

Josh did an incredible job inflating this and getting the liner on correctly!

As I would see this during labor before getting in, I would think about how this was where I was hoping our daughter would be born!

The birth supplies from In His Hands birth supply plus the things we added (towels and a hamper for dirty linens). Midwives and birth centers can create custom birth supply kits through In His Hands, which ours had done, so we just enter their name on the In His Hands website and order the kit that comes up! I added a few things to ours based on my first birth/postpartum experience and was glad for all we had!

Josh filling the pool using the sterile hose that comes with the pool kit from our birth center. This pool was the perfect size! I'm sold on water birth for this water Mama - I'll never birth "on land" again! (Unless God has it so ordained). 

One funny part of our birth story is the water temperature in the pool. Our midwife had told us to turn our hot water heater all the way up before filling the pool. We did so, but could not remember if we were supposed to fill it with water all the way hot or not, so we just cranked the water up to as hot as it would come out of the faucet and began to fill the pool. We used our turtle water thermometer we use to bathe Jacob (and soon Ruth) to keep track of the water's temperature. It was over 113 at one point! The pool was less than half full when we ran out of hot water, so had to turn it off and wait for it to reheat as we began boiling water on our stove in my 2 stock pots! We had the pool about full to its fill line with really hot water when our doula later arrived and she explained it could not be that hot for the baby to be born in. The water had to be between 91 and 101 degrees Farenheit for Ruth to be born in it, and it was still at 106 at that point, so we started (we meaning Josh) dumping ice in it to cool the water down before I could get in. And this was the point in labor when I was LONGING to be in water. It's a funny memory now that I look back, but at the time I was just wanting to be in the water to help with the rush of the intense contractions and did not care how hot it was!

Our bedroom ready! I did not make the bed after I got up from my nap as I knew I'd be getting back in at some point in the coming hours. Our bed was already double made and ready for labor/birth. We had a set of clean sheets on the bottom, then a plastic bed liner from In His Hands to protect from any birth liquids, then a set of sheets on top that we didn't care if we needed to throw away. As it turned out, then stayed pretty clean!

Our bassinet, gifted from a sweet friend from high school, with Ruth's first outfit all ready! This was a gift from Ruth's great aunt, my Aunt Linda (who we call Annie) and had arrived in the mail just a day before! I had wanted a certain color outfit for Ruth's first, but had so many beautiful clothes from this same high school friend, a college friend, and my mother that I had chosen an outfit from among those rather than spend money needlessly. Then this outfit arrived from Annie and I knew it was THE ONE!

Also here is a beautiful, light swaddling blanket. I wasn't sure what we would use as the first blanket to swaddle Ruth in until that Friday - I had been planning to either use one of the beautiful receiving blankets my mother had made when we were pregnant with Jacob or Jacob's hospital blanket he had been swaddled in - then, a gift arrived in the mail from a dear friend in Alabama who had a daughter born just this summer - and part of it was this swaddling blanket. The moment I saw it my heart welled - THIS was the blanket I'd been waiting on for Ruth's first! Thank you Avey Jane and Annie! I am grateful to you and God and how He has provided for our little one!

LABOR BEGINS AND THE JOURNEY UNFOLDS

I laid in bed after readying our home from about 12am - 1:20am. During that time, I started feeling from twinges in my lower abdomen. I now know that was truly contractions, but at first I wasn't certain because it was so different than my contractions with Jacob, due I think to him being malpositioned. It was about 12:45am when I looked up at the clock projected on our ceiling (we have this awesome clock with sounds in it that projects the time to the ceiling) to see about how far apart the pains were. Starting at 12:45am when I felt the first real contraction pain, they were coming about every 10 to 12 minutes. So, I dosed between these contractions. They weren't too bad and really just let me know that things were starting to pick up. I still thought it would be hours. About 1:20am, they had gotten a bit stronger, but still were just around 10 minutes apart, maybe getting a little closer like 7 to 8 minutes apart, but with plenty of time to go.

I just couldn't sleep anymore as the intensity increased, so wanted to have time with Josh, who was still working on filling the birth pool at this point. I got up, turned on one of our labor/birth CDs I had made, ate something (though I don't remember what) and made sure I had water for labor. It was about this time, 1:30am or so, that the pains got intense enough I had to find labor positions to work through them. I started leaning on Josh in a big hug like I had done with Jacob's labor. This was the only comfortable position with my first birth. I also was able to sit on the birth ball between contractions and during a few - it was PAINFUL during my first labor, but felt great during this one! The positioning of the baby made all the difference. ALL of my pain was in my lower abdomen and I could feel the contractions of my abdomen peaking there when the pain was at its highest. I remember sitting on the birth ball through one contraction and listening to the song "I Will Rise Again" and thinking about Jesus going to the cross, knowing he was enduring the pain for the joy set before him! I thought, this is my God, my Lord and HE will guide me through these pains for the joy of holding my daughter soon! To add, my first several contractions also brought some back pain, which suggested to me that Ruth might still be slightly posterior. She had been the previous day at our chiropractor's office, so I had been crawling on hands and knees and doing pelvic tilts to help her position. It seems that those exercises plus the intensity of contractions turned her just perfectly because, after a few contractions with some back labor, my back pain went totally away and all the pain was in my lower, front abdomen! Another answered prayer - Ruth was perfectly positioned for our labor! At birth, she was ROA (Right Occiput Anterior), but God was holding her all the while and prevented her from turning any way except the needed anterior position for a smooth delivery!

Working through a contraction on our birth ball.

Working through a contraction in the peace of home, candles lit, music playing, and the familiarity of our own living room. It was so wonderful!

During my contractions, whether leaning on Josh or on all fours, Josh was there! He was working to fill the pool for part of it, but every time I would go down or he'd hear me start to vocalize, he was at my side. Just having him close was perfectly what I needed. I would sometimes reach out and hold his hand and he would hold mine as our doula (who was there later) would rub my lower back, provide counter pressure, and speaks words of comfort and encouragement. I love my husband and he was a perfect birth partner yet again, just as he was 2 years ago when Jacob was born!

By about 1:45am, we noticed that the contractions were more like 5 to 7 minutes apart and lasting a full minute. It was at this point that I told Josh we wanted to have them like this for about an hour (the 5-1-1 rule) before calling our doula and maybe midwife to come. It was also around this time that I found leaning on Josh was not comfortable and I had this primal urge when a contraction would hit to GO LOW! I couldn't GET low enough. I would hit all fours and lower my head close to the ground and sway my body. The pain was getting more intense and I had to focus and allow true vocalizations to emerge from my body. I remembered from Ina May's Guide to Childbirth about keeping everything OPEN that I could to connect to my cervix opening AND the importance of LOW guttural vocalizations that relax the jaw and allow a women to be soft and open. I found that my body did this naturally as I relaxed and thought about opening up! Thank you Ina May! The sounds that began to emerge were kind of wild and not at all like me who likes to be more reserved and a Southern woman of hospitality! This let me know what was happening was normal, just like Ina May's book said! I was excited even as I grappled with the pain! My body WAS working labor! As the pain intensified quickly, I found the sounds that emerged as I hit the ground on all fours and swayed were intense, low, and other-worldly! I had printed out several Bible verses that Friday morning during my quiet time with the Lord and looked at those as I was able to walk around my living room during early labor. One that jumped out that I clung to as labor intensified was Deuteronomy 31: 6, 8 (ESV):

"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you... It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; Do not fear or be dismayed."

As the pain intensified, I thought of "them" as being the contractions and clung to this verse so I would not fear the pain, but rather knew the Lord my God was with me through each moment!

Another verse God showed me was Isaiah 66:9 (NIV 1984)

"Do I bring to the moment of birth and not give delivery?” says the Lord. “Do I close up the womb when I bring to delivery?” says your God."

I meditated on this verse and believed it deeply as I waited on our labor/birth day!

By about 2:10am, Josh and I could tell the pains were coming closer than 5 minutes and were lasting almost longer than a minute. I did NOT want to be that person that called out a birth team too early, and I kept thinking we should wait until closer to 3am to call everyone, but then I had a contraction that was less than 5 minutes from the last and SO strong, Josh and I agreed it was time to have Kaitlyn come. Josh called her and they talked a bit about what was unfolding and she agreed it was time for her to come. She got things ready on her end and arrived at our home just before 3:00am. We are SO very glad she did! As we waited on her, the contractions continued to be like 3 and 4 minutes apart and STRONG, to the point I would look at Josh and say, "Kaitlyn IS coming right?" and he would assure me she was. I felt such a peace as it all took place it is indescribable! 

When Kaitlyn arrived, I was in the middle of a contraction in our living room. When it ended, I was able to sit up and greet her and talk some. The intensity of the contractions were strong to me, but with timing and how I could talk between them, we thought there was still plenty of time. Kaitlyn was in touch with our midwife and birth photographer to coordinate when everyone should come. By about 3:20am or 3:30am, the contractions felt stronger to me and were pulling closer together. They also didn't seem to be "letting go" to me. Josh later asked if I second guessed myself at this point due to our first labor experience, and I did. My contractions with Jacob would not let go for several minutes, but we were told "that's impossible" so I was uncertain of what I was feeling. We learned that, with Jacob, his malposition caused the pain to linger because he seems to have been laying on a nerve. When these contractions seemed to linger, I wondered if maybe there was suddenly a position issue or if they really were just starting to come back to back, as is common as a woman in labor nears transition (the final phase of the first stage of labor). I just said, "they aren't letting go." but was a bit timid to even say this for fear or being "wrong" like I'd felt with Jacob's labor. Kaitlyn was, of course, encouraging and supportive and would tell me what I was feeling was normal! When I'd go down to work through a contraction she would rub my back and give counter pressure, which felt wonderful! She was in constant contact with Joni and, by this time, Joni was on her way as was our birth photographer, Brandie, as we all began to realize it was moving a bit faster than we'd thought by earlier signs. Around this time, just after 3:30am, I was really wanting to go to the bathroom and then get in the birth pool (which was finally nearing a temperature safe for a baby to be born in!). We had talked in our childbirth class about the importance of having an empty bladder so it did not get in the baby's way or impede labor, so I was bent on going to the restroom every 30 minutes and felt like I just had to one more time before getting to the water! I made it to the bathroom, had a contraction, finally got to actually use the bathroom, then had another contraction. With each contraction, I would hit my knees and get on all fours - it was just the only way I could work through and manage the pain. Ina May's book talks a lot about a concept called the Mind-Body Connection. This is SO very true. I've heard many in the natural birth community talk about this concept and I found it to be the most powerful force during my own home birth! Keeping my mind and heart connected to what was happening with my body is the only way to walk through a natural labor! Your mind, body, heart, spirit have to work in unison! When I came out of the bathroom another contraction hit instantly! I went down on all fours right next to Josh's side of our bed by the entrance to our master bathroom. Josh came and began rubbing my lower back. This time, it did not feel good and I said intently, "Don't touch me!" It was about 3:40am and Kaitlyn heard this and KNEW - I had reached transition! She was on the phone with Joni, our midwife, the rest of the time as she guided us through the birth.

MY WATER BABY

I made it back to the living room, and another contraction hit instantly. I was again down on all fours by the edge of the birth pool. This contraction was SO deep and intense and painful, the vocalizations my body emitted rocked my whole body as I rode through that contraction. Kaitlyn did a hip press during this contraction - I never got to tell her, but this felt SO awesome! I'll know for any future labors that hip squeeze/press is something I like! As it began to release, I said, "I have GOT to get in the water!" I stripped down and remember Kaitlyn helping me put on my bikini top as I stood in the water. I was so glad to be in the water having heard how the flow and rush of water can offer counter pressure during contractions to help manage the pain. Instantly, another contraction hit and I realized I could not get as LOW in the water as I could outside the pool. This contraction was WILD and intense. It felt SO different and it scared my mind! I worked through it and then jumped to my feet. Josh said my eyes got as big as saucers and I looked at Kaitlyn and said, "Something is wrong!" She reassured me that what I was feeling was normal and reminded me to breathe in a way that is called "horse breathing" where you let your lips sort of flutter like a horse and breathe out deeply with low, guttural sounds. I remembered this from Ina May's book and copied what Kaitlyn did. Josh was there caressing my arm. Kaitlyn got an essential oil, Whispering Hope, and rubbed it under my nose and on my temples. It was wonderful! I tried to get down in the water on all fours, but another wild contraction hit that felt like all of what was inside my body was TRULY trying to make its way out and I felt a strong burning that made me think Ruth was already crowning. If asked "did I feel like pushing" I would say "No! I feel like Ruth was PULLING her way out!" My body jumped and I said, "it burns!" and flipped over to where I was sitting reclined with my back against the side of the birth pool, holding on to the handles on the edge. Later Kaitlyn told me that what I did is a maternal reflex (I forget the name) where the body knows how it needs to be for the baby to be delivered and it reflexes to get the mother in that position - it was so awesome and primal! Kaitlyn looked and did not see a head or even any bulging to indicate that Ruth was crowning or low enough to do so, so she told me it was the pressure of my baby and we worked on me to continue breathing and working with what my body was doing. During these 7 or 8 minutes I was in the water with the 3 or so contractions that were lasting long and were so wild and intense, I could FEEL my mind trying to betray my body! I was fighting mentally to keep my mind and body connected because I knew what was happening was happening at record speed, so fast it was hard to keep up! I did NOT want to let my mind and body break the connection they had for the past couple of hours as I worked through the pains and rushes of contractions! But it was truly work to keep them in sync! Suddenly, just moments after the previous contraction where I felt burning, another wild, intense contraction hit and my body again jumped and moved me to the other side of the pool (where there was no little seat nor were there handles to hold on to). I grabbed onto something on the side of the pool, that I later realized was an air valve - so glad I did not deflate part of the pool and send water and me flowing onto my living room floor! Anyway, as I made that jump, I felt something powerful and then like this RELEASE... Josh looked down and then looked up at Kaitlyn, who was still talking to Joni and giving her updates as she watched me, and said, "There's a head!!" Katilyn looked down and sure enough, Ruth's head was out! Kaitlyn told Joni, "Her head is born!" then looked at Josh and said, "Daddy - reach in and catch your baby!" Josh had been at my head on the other side of the pool, so he jumped around to the side where I now was, and reached in the water in time to catch Ruth's head and about half her torso and right arm that had slid out with that contraction. Josh did not realize how still she could be being born from water to water and he was scared she was stillborn because she was so silent and still. He was holding her, waiting on the rest of her to be born, and lightly tapping her back and arm hoping she would open her eyes and move. He told me later, he just wanted her out! Less than 2 minutes later, I was able to push with another, less intense contraction and the rest of Ruth was born into her Daddy's strong arms. Josh had not been sure about catching Ruth, but I had always thought it wonderful when a Daddy catches his baby and was so thrilled that Josh was able to do so! He was incredible!

Josh wasn't sure if Ruth was supposed to stay under the water until she moved or not so he asked, "What do I do??" Kaitlyn told him to place her on my chest, which I knew was what came next and just welcomed my sweet perfect baby girl into my waiting, elated arms! It was around this time that Josh said, "Do you hear the song?" I had subconsciously been listening to the birth music that still played, but as he asked, I pulled my mind back into the present room and out of the reverie of me and my daughter and heard that Martina McBride's "In My Daughter's Eyes" was playing! This has been a theme song as I plan to be a mother to a daughter and it was the first song on the video I made in revealing her name earlier this year. I welled with joy, tears and love for my daughter and my incredible husband who thought to point out the song to me in this moment, our daughter's birth moment!

I heard Kaitlyn tell Joni, "She's a little blue." I looked up, alarmed, and asked, "Is anything wrong?" She told me to rub her, rub her feet, and talk to her. I was rubbing her back and started saying, "wake up baby!" it was just seconds and she gasped for air and coughed! We were thrilled! Later, Kaitlyn told me that all that unfolded was normal and that babies have up to a minute after birth before you need to see them move, etc... but it being her first time to be the primary care provider at a birth, that minute seemed an eternity to her! Joni also confirmed that it was normal, but it certainly was unsettling to all 3 of us in the room. I just sat there in awe, another milestone in life celebrated and God providing for us beyond what I could have imagined with our perfect home, water birth right in our dining area! 

Moments after birth

Sweet water baby

Talking with our doula, in awe of this fast, intense, perfect birth the three of us (Josh, me and Kaitlyn) were just a part of!

After a few minutes resting in the pool an reveling in our newborn child, Kaitlyn, still on the phone with Joni, told me that Joni wanted her to have me get out of the pool and transfer to my bed as we waited on the final stage of labor, the birth of our placenta, so she could track blood loss. I was happy to oblige - I was holding my baby girl and my beloved Josh was there with us and all was right with our little world! We moved to the bed and covered us both with dry towels and waited for the placenta to deliver. 

Mama and Baby Girl relaxing in bed.

THE END OF PREGNANCY

Within minutes of me and Ruth settling in bed and Josh there with us, the rest of our birth team came pouring in to our home. It was wonderful! As they arrived, they all said, "It's raining! Ruth's rain is here!" They'll never know what that meant to me! I cry even now with the beauty of people who love others so much, who rejoice in new life and spend their own guiding women, babies, and families to the beauty of lives started with gentle care! Joni, Donnellyn, and Brandie all arrived, along with a midwife apprentice who came with Joni and Donnellyn, Lauren. They were all smiles and rejoicing and brought the love of God into our little home as they lovingly welcomed our daughter! Joni began to check me and Ruth as we waited on this final stage of labor.

There are 3 stages of labor: dilation (from 0 to 10 cm) of the cervix, pushing (when the baby is born), and delivery of the placenta. It is only when all three stages are complete that a pregnancy is truly ended. So, we still had this final stage to complete before my second pregnancy would be over. In reading our postpartum paperwork later, I learned that, from Ruth's birth until the placenta delivered was about 52 minutes. It did not seem that long, though it was painful. Some women find that the placenta delivery is not painful, but mine was. I just wanted it out and when it would contract it hurt. And it was harder for me, now laying reclined in my bed with my baby on my chest, to connect mind and body together to work through anymore pain. I apologized to the team, now filling my bedroom, for being a "weenie" for this part of labor! Here is where the secondary midwife, Donnellyn was first used by God as a blessed, divinely planned part of our birth team. She walked in our bedroom and asked Joni, "Is her placenta anterior?" I perked up and said quickly, "YES!" She said, "that is why it hurts." That validated the discomfort I was feeling and I was so grateful! Joni used jasmine essential oil rubbed around my abdomen and later a second dose, which they have found really helps the placenta safely detach to be delivered. I love essential oils, and here was the second time one was used to aid in my birth! The team allowed us just to peacefully rest as we waited on the placenta, while Brandie took pictures and we rejoiced in this incredible birth.

During this time, Ruth latched on for the first time and began to breastfeed, which would help with the needed uterine contractions after the placenta was born. Plus, we just were skin to skin all this time enjoying each other!

After several painful, cramp-like contractions and the jasmine oil, the birth team gathered around and Donnellyn lead in a prayer that the Lord would release the placenta from my body. I agreed wholeheartedly as the team prayed! Not long after, I felt a push and our placenta was born! I was again thrilled - one of our hopes and prayers was that we would not need to cut the umbilical cord until the placenta was fully delivered! This allows the baby to get the final gush of the blood from the placenta and all the wonderful antibodies for her health and life, thus negating the need for the growing trend of "cord blood banking". Once the placenta was delivered, the cord was fully empty and had stopped pulsing, Joni said to Josh, "Daddy, come cut your daughter's cord." I cry with joy just thinking of this moment. He did so great! This man who is my best friend, lover, husband, and an incredible Daddy and father to our children had both caught his little girl as she entered this world and cut the cord that had nourished her for the first 40 weeks and 3 days of her life! This birth story was powerful for all 3 of us!

AFTER BIRTH CELEBRATION

After the pregnancy and birth were complete, we were cleaned up and the team was working on many things that I don't even remember. I know that once they left, the birth pool had been emptied and cleaned and packed and taken back to the birth center by the team and that they had done 2 loads of laundry from our birth! Lauren, the apprentice with the midwives, told me before she left that they had done 2 loads and kind of where they were at that point. Josh was able to finish them up later and I am so grateful for how they left our home! It was after the placenta was delivered that I told Josh I was ready to have Jacob home! He called Sarah and, around 5:10am, Jacob came walking into our bedroom! I was SO thrilled to see my boy! Upon seeing all the people in our room, he was a bit overwhelmed (plus he was quite sleep deprived), so ran back into our living room. Josh did a great job comforting him and warming him up to our birth team. Before long, he was on the bed with Mama and meeting his baby sister, all captured on film to my delight! Then, Josh took him to get some food in the kitchen and they watched a show on TV while the birth team got me and Ruth into our herbal bath!

We will be getting the professional pictures from our birth photographer which I know will have a ton of gorgeous shots from our bath, but here is one that our photographer shared with us on Facebook:

Beautiful! As a family connected through spoken and signed language, this picture is just perfect to me!

My sweet girl's baby feet!

After our healing, herbal bath, Ruth was dried and snuggled by our team and Josh while they dried me off and I was able to get dressed in a new, beautiful nursing gown from my mother. It was during this time that my midwives again used an essential oil, peppermint oil, to assist my bladder in returning to its intended function and ensure it was working well before they would have to leave. It was SO peaceful in comparison to the invasive awkwardness this portion of postpartum care involved after Jacob's birth! 

Once I was dry and dressed, it was time for Ruth's newborn exam. Josh had been in the living room with Jacob with a cartoon on television. My husband, who had not slept since a few hours on Thursday night, had fallen asleep on the floor as Jacob played around him. My midwife capture a couple of pictures before waking him up to join us for Ruth's exam and getting her dressed for the first time.

Our hardworking husband and Daddy after being such an active part in his daughter's birth!

I love my boys!!

Once Josh was up, he joined us in the bedroom and Joni did Ruth's newborn exam. She was perfect! Joni did notice that she had an upper lip tie, which we were prepared for since her brother has one and her Daddy. She also has a unique birthmark on the left crown side of her head that was unknown to the midwives, so we decided to take her to her pediatrician as soon as we could the next week, but we'll share more about this in a later post about Ruth's first week of life. Ruth's reflexes and everything were just great! She latched on to nurse several times and is an eager nurser, a blessing to us!

This is Ruth dressed in her first outfit all swaddled and napping after her hard work an journey into the outside world! 

Once all was complete, our birth team hugged us, and sat on our bed and Joni lead us in a beautiful prayer for our new daughter, for Jacob and Ruth as brother and sister, for our family, and Ruth's little life. We thanked God for the beautiful, perfect birth and His hand in all the details. 

As I reflect on our prayers and dreams for this birth, I thank God that Joni was in town, there was cool fall weather and rain for Ruth's birth, Ruth was born in water, Ruth was perfectly positioned for labor, labor did progress with the normal stages and progression of contractions, Jacob went to Sarah's at a perfect time, Jacob was brought home quickly after Ruth's birth and in many pictures with us and his sister, the team did get there at the perfect time, all members of the team worked in unison and were so obviously divinely planned to be there, we had essential oils that blessed labor and birth, there were delicious smelling candles that lit our journey, I did think of "opening" as contractions progressed and my doula would encourage me to think of opening so my baby could be born, we had music playing, I found the perfect labor position, I had verses I had printed that morning during my time with God that I had hung in our living room, labor was so fast, there was no time for any vaginal checks which was a huge blessing as I never had to think of things in terms of dilation or centimeters - I just journeyed through birth!!, Kaitlyn and Josh were incredibly THERE, encouraging and supportive and the birth team that arrived after brought joy and rejoicing to our home, we ha all the "norms" of natural births from delayed cord cutting to early breastfeeding, to baby staying with mama, to the herbal bath and all I hoped for, Josh got to be my supportive partner, caught his daughter and cut her cord! Although there was no time for him to get in the water, his hands were there at the perfect time to catch Ruth! 

Our birth team began to leave and the last person there was our photographer. She asked if we wanted some family pictures of four! I am so glad she thought to offer this! We all 4 sat in our bed, Jacob with some snacks, and Brandie did a great job getting pictures! She has 3 children so knew how to get Jacob's attention and quickly snap away!

Once she left, Jacob got down to play and Josh took duty as Daddy with our son and I continued to nurse Ruth or let her sleep and eventually got a nap. Around 1pm, my parents arrived from Houston and it was just a perfect day of celebrating new life!

To Dr. Cummings: I did it! I DID have this baby and your early encouragement, challenge, and faith in life, and care for me and our baby enabled me to pursue the birth I desired! You asked me, "Who is going to have this baby?!" and I knew I would have to prepare with that challenge - and I did!

To Joni: I can't even think of your part in our pregnancy and birth without crying. You were there as we bled and cramped and worried we were losing our little one. You were there as we celebrated each obstacle being resolved and seeing this little life grow and thrive. You were there to remind me to trust the Lord. You were there to provide medical guidance that equipped my body to be healthy and ready for this birth. You were there to hold my daughter as she started life in our home! Thank you! Your knowledge, your heart for the Lord, your skill in what you do... they bless us and so many families!

To Kaitlyn: Girl - you have been a blessing since our first phone call! We've walked similar journeys in birthing at the same hospital and now both having home births that were redemptive and beautiful! Your knowledge of women, birth, and breastfeeding have been invaluable! Thank you for loving our family and being there for us through this pregnancy and even after! You helped bring our daughter into this world and equipped my husband to reach out and catch his daughter! We could not imagine our birth any other way other than you there with us as Ruth was born! You are a blessing!

To Jamie: Thank you for the work you do as a doula and childbirth educator! Your class was healing and informative and empowering for us! We were so blessed to have your class and you as a part of our pregnancy journey and appreciate the encouragement, support, and truth you invested in us and our family!

To Brandie: we love your work and your sweet presence at our birth was such a blessing to our team! I cannot wait to see all our beautiful pictures! We loved getting to know you and your precious little Kai at our home visit and sharing in motherhood through your own birth story! Thank you for capturing our birth and family!

To Dr. Frederick Cummings, Joni Yankus, Kaitlyn Wages, Donnellyn Dominguez, Brandie Davis, Jamie Hinton, and all those in the DFW natural birth community who make possible for women, babies and family the blessed kind of birth we had - THANK YOU! You are God's hands and feet empowering women and babies to know gentle, beautiful births around our area! Thank you for being ALL ABOUT BABIES! 

~ Mama Bruffey ~

Daughter of God, Wife of One, Mother of Two