My husband and I have talked much about our 2 pregnancies and the 2 birth journeys we walked seeing each of our children enter this big world. Before I can blog/journal about our birth, I have to blog about our pregnancy, as it was our pregnancy journey that so informed our birth and readied us for the incredible home birth that unfolded.
...was such a chaotic whirlwind that blended expectations that had to be adjusted and reality that was intense. I knew the Lord was with us as we walked that journey, though it had many things that challenged me and grieved my heart. But I saw God's hand in my life there and Josh and I agree that our 2 pregnancy journeys are really one long journey of learning and growing for us both. My pregnancies are a part of my growth as a wife, woman, mother and my walk as Christian as I learned more about discipline, faith, and trusting God's plan for me and my children. After this first pregnancy experience, I started learning even more about pregnancy and birth and begin to blend that with what I had learned during my pregnancy with Jacob and his birth.
We knew we wanted more children and had started trying when Jacob was just 5 months old for BB2, though I knew little about breastfeeding and fertility nor how this worked with my own body. What we learned there was that breastfeeding is apparently quite effective at delaying fertility for me. We also supplemented some in feeding Jacob at times due to dairy issues that we wanted to address aggressively for our sweet baby who was in a lot of pain, so we thought that would hasten fertility returning, but found it did not. So, 9 months after we started trying we were thrilled to finally have BB2 on her way!
Our 2nd Pregnancy Story: A Time of Waiting and Faith
What I learned a lot about from my first pregnancy was ME - my own body, my own health, my own heart, and my own convictions about pregnancy and birth. I had known I wanted a natural, out of hospital birth with Jacob and yet did not really own the process of my pregnancy and birth. Even using a midwife and prenatal care at a birth center, I still relied on my own mindset I grew up with in our "always trust the doctor" culture that allowed myself to be lead without a lot of questioning. Of course, during our pregnancy with BB1, Josh and I were also walking an intense journey of good-bye as his amazing mother fought pancreatic cancer and left this world to enter Heaven with her beloved Lord. This was our focus so much of my own body and pregnancy I simply trusted to God and did not want to put my attention there, as it was so held captive by the longing to see my mother-in-law remain in this world. I would not change a thing about this pregnancy because my heart, mind, and body were right where they should be during all the times we were in TN with family and walking alongside my mother-in-law and Josh's sisters, nieces, nephews and brother-in-law.
However, as we started our 2nd pregnancy, we knew we wanted to do things differently, to build a different birth team, to lead the way in our pregnancy and birth plans with a whole different, empowered, informed mindset. I KNEW I would pursue an out of hospital birth with a midwife, most likely a home birth, and that I would ask a lot more questions and read a great deal more and know ME more as labor approached.
Then, just 4 days after learning we were pregnant, I started bleeding and cramping. My incredible OB and 2 midwives I had contacted told me I was miscarrying and to just lay in bed, take care of me and wait. Then, symptoms got more involved and one of the midwives (who ended up being our midwife) recommended I call the OB again and be seen in the ER to rule out a possible, dangerous ectopic pregnancy. So, we spent time in the ER to learn we had a ruptured corpus luteum, which nourishes the baby until the placenta is fully developed around 14 or 15 weeks. Our OB told me I had a 50% chance of losing the baby, but that I should just keep living, trusting God and waiting. I knew he was right but OH that was hard. We also learned during this that I had several SCHs (blood clots) in my uterus, and some were between the placenta and where it was implanted and growing in the uterine wall. It can be harmless to have these clots but they often will dislodge and pass out, causing bleeding. With the ones under the placenta, if those had dislodged, it would automatically end the pregnancy and cause me to miscarry. These, along with the lacking corpus luteum, lead the OB to put me on a modified bed rest/light duty that included not lifting our son. My dear Granny came and stayed with us for 2 1/2 weeks to help with Jacob's care. During this time, I had terrible morning (all day) sickness and Granny did the majority of Jacob's care along with Josh when he was home. Since then, Jacob has been incredibly bonded to Granny, which is one of many blessings that came from the valley points in this pregnancy. All this meant we were safest with an OB and could not put our prenatal care in an out of hospital, midwifery setting, which was so hard on my heart and mind. However, we went ahead and met with the wonderful midwife we'd been in touch with. Josh, who had been uncertain about pursuing another out of hospital birth, liked her instantly. We shared the health issues that had plagued our first pregnancy and our concerns and desires, and she had recommendations and approaches for each thing! Josh told me as we left that, if we were able and I wanted a midwife as my care provider that he liked HER! So, we began to pray that we would be able to have an out of hospital home birth with this midwife. This midwife, Joni Yankus, worked with our OB as the backup doctor for the birth center where she works and told us that, even if we found we needed to be with this OB as our primary care provider, she would love to provide care in some way for our pregnancy and that we would take this a day at a time. This was SO great for me and my Mama's heart!
Then, knowing we needed to be cautious and that I couldn't lift Jacob or do anything to strenuous until we made it through at least 14 weeks AND once the OB could determine that the SCHs were cleared (usually by 20 weeks), we made the decision that I would live with my parents for the remainder of our first trimester. It was such a hard choice as Josh and I find we want to walk together always, but we knew this idea was best and appreciated my parents offer. So, Jacob and I live with my parents 5 hours from our home for 5 weeks. It was a wonderful time for Jacob and his Grandmother and Granddaddy and for me with my incredible parents, though it was also one of the hardest times being so far away from Josh. He was able to visit a few times and that helped us with the waiting. I was on a progesterone supplement since the CL is what produces this needed hormone to support the pregnancy and I just took it really easy her our OB's instructions.
By 14 weeks, we had another ultrasound and found that the placenta was developing well and most the SCHs had cleared and I'd had no real bleeding from them! However, at this same ultrasound, we learned of a new complication - that I had a partial placenta previa, which meant a possible planned c-section if it did not "move" as the uterus expanded. I had the same thing with Jacob and it had moved, so I was hopeful it would this time, too. However, our OB wanted to wait until 24 weeks to check to give the uterus plenty of time to expand and move the placenta away from the cervical opening.
This also meant that we could not yet fully transfer our care to our midwife as we were hoping to do. We had to wait to know about the placenta's location for another 10 weeks! My prayers continued and we kept having appointments with both our OB and our midwife.
We went in at 24 weeks and were overjoyed to learn that our placenta was far enough away that it wasn't even considered low lying! It was also confirmed that our BB2 was a little girl. We talked with our OB about transferring care to a midwife. He works as a backup OB with midwives and is known in our area as a mother-friendly OB who understands birth and is supportive of natural birth when it is possible. He told me he thought I would be just fine and safe with a midwife and that, if they needed anything, they would call him anyway! He told me he hoped he didn't see me again until we were bringing him a picture of our newborn! I am so grateful for the roll he, Dr. Frederick Cummings, played in our pregnancy. It is HE who challenged me to be diligent in my preparations for labor in terms of food and exercise. It is he who reminded me to trust God early on.
We excitedly transferred our full prenatal care to Joni with All About Babies Birth Center and began to really plan for our home birth! Joni had put me on supplements early on to support my liver (and thus reduce chances of swelling) and we worked on diet as I read more and understood more about my body. I found that I had to cut ALL simple sugars/carbs (pastas, cereals, breads, sweets, etc) and eat a lot of protein and vegetables. With this, I had no swelling and leaked no proteins!! It wasn't just needing more protein as we thought with BB1, it was also needing LESS carbs! With this same commitment to diet, I put on HALF the weight with this pregnancy! I also walked more and did home exercises we learned from our childbirth class that better readied my body for the labor/birth to come. Here are things we did/used/prepared this pregnancy that readied us for labor/birth - that I would/will do again if God leads us to birth more children:
1. BIRTH TEAM:
Built a birth team through prayer, research, and developing relationships
Built a birth team through prayer, research, and developing relationships
MIDWIFE
We had a midwife we had researched more and connected with at a different level of understanding after all we learned with BB1. This midwife's birth center also worked with the OB we started our pregnancy with, which gave us a peace of mind if there were any complications in terms of positioning or labor. God showed us again and again his plan for Joni being our care provider. She prayed for us and spoke truth over our pregnancy, birth, and child. She believed that this would be a redemptive birth for us and this became the theme for us and our birth team as we prepared. Her medical knowledge that guided our pregnancy blended with her love for Christ and her patients made her the perfect midwife for us this pregnancy and as a blessing for our family to know! When I would get concerned about details (baby's position, etc.) she would remind me to trust the Lord with my body and my baby. We are so grateful for Joni Yankus! Amen!
DOULA
I had prayed and considered and felt strongly about hiring a doula. We interviewed 3 and found one who had delivered 2 babies at the same hospital as Jacob AND then had a homebirth, who had breastfeeding specialization and was a fellow Christian (all 3 were). We grappled with this decision and felt a peace about this doula, and the decision proved to be of God and one that really solidified our birth team. Several times God has used her knowledge about pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding among other things to really invest in my life - even about toothpastes that help my issue with chronic canker sores! She is now counted as a dear friend of our family. We used Kaitlyn Wages with Faithfully Delivered.
BIRTH PHOTOGRAPHER
We loved having pictures of the birth of BB1 so knew we would hire a photographer to capture our birth with BB2. I researched a ton and compared portfolios, prices, etc. and interviewed several. We fell in love with Brandie Davis of Mindful Momma Photography and were so glad to have her on our team! We've seen sneak peaks of our pictures already and they are gorgeous!
CARE PROVIDER FOR JACOB
I have a dear friend I met when we were pregnant with Jacob through our childbirth class (she has a son just about 3 1/2 weeks older than Jacob) and we now attend church together and she is the coordinator for our MOPS group. As we considered what we would do with Jacob when we were in labor, my heart again and again thought of her and it was my desire that she and her family could care for Jacob while we gave birth to our daughter. I prayed about it and contacted her and she instantly said yes! I was elated - she and her husband are fellow believers and a loving, grace-filled family who also have structure, routine, and expectations for their son and I knew it would be a great environment for Jacob while he was a part from us at such a young age. It proved the perfect choice! THANK YOU Sarah for blessing our family by loving on our son as God brought Ruth into this world!
PLACENTA ENCAPSULATION SPECIALIST
This is something we contemplated quite a bit. In Western cultures, it is somewhat taboo. However, I had researched a lot and been given advice and encouragement about the benefit of consuming placenta capsules postpartum from both our doula, midwife, and many friends in the local natural birth/ living community here in Dallas/Fort Worth. In many places around the world, it is standard practice for a mother's placenta to be used as part of her postpartum care. There is evidence showing how the consumption of the placenta provides great postpartum wellness and supports a mother's emotions, physical health, milk supply for breastfeeding and many other benefits. Here is research on the benefits of the placenta to a postpartum mother.
We chose Abbie Spreir of Nurturing Births and are so glad we did! The average placenta yields 130 - 150 capsules and ours yielded 136 PLUS enough for a tincture, so it was a VERY healthy placenta (a good indication of our healthy pregnancy)! We got 2 types of capsules and the tincture and are so pleased. In addition to the capsules and tincture, Abbie's placenta package includes a beautiful heart made of Ruth's dried cord in this precious little bag and a print of our placenta made from herbs. Just another thing from our journey into the natural birth/living community that we are grateful for. These capsules are supporting me, and thus Ruth's, postpartum health!
SECONDARY MIDWIFE
We did not know 100 percent who would be the secondary midwife at our birth, but knew it would most likely be the owner of the birth center, Donnellyn Dominguez. We prayed for her connection to our team and role in our birth and she proved to be such a blessing to both! I'll share more about her in my post on our labor and birth, but we are so glad God chose her as the supporting midwife to Joni.
2. GREAT SUPPLEMENTS:
I was on iron supplements, prenatals, a liver support, fish oil (which I use anyway), extra vitamin C, chlorophyll, extra vitamin D, and a great probiotic.
3. CHIROPRACTIC CARE:
I used a prenatal chiropractor with my first pregnancy. Then, with our labor with Jacob and him being malpositioned, it was recommended I use a chiropractor in our area known for positioning babies. Her name came up again and again and, as God would have it, she is the same chiropractor who adjusted Jacob as a newborn and caused his hematoma to completely go away after 2 adjustments in the period of a week, even after his pediatrician said it would probably always slightly be there because it was so extreme and had bone in it! We are firm believers in the benefit of good chiropractic care! Our chiropractor is Dr. Chandra Crisp with New Beginnings Chiropractic. She also did a home visit and adjusted Ruth the same day she was born! I do LOVE the natural birth community in Dallas/Fort Worth!
4. BOOKS TO INFORM AND GUIDE:
I read several things throughout my pregnancy this time, but the 2 books I recommend the most are:
a. Ina May's Guide to Childbirth
by Ina May Gaskin
Written by the woman who is considered the matriarch of midwivery care here in the United States, this book is an invaluable research to any mother who wants to know, trust, and believe in her body and pursue a natural childbirth while being well informed with evidence-based knowledge about her body and healthcare and birth! The only modification we made as I read through this with the guidance of my midwife is to not trust in my body, but trust in my God while being a steward of the body He designed and gave me. This difference to my heart and mind were huge. But, beyond this, I wholeheartedly agree with all Ina May writes! Her summary statement at the end of the book tells women, if they take nothing else away from her book, to remember, "Your body is NOT a lemon!" Modern healthcare looks for problems to diagnose and thus, modern obstetrics often frames pregnancy and birth as though it is an illness to treat. There are so many truths about what happens when a woman is naturally giving birth that have been lost in modern healthcare and thus, when a woman is going through labor, doctors and nurses often see a "problem" when there is not one. Ina May is highly respected at both a national and international level and often called on to speak to those in obstetrics to help improve the way birth is handled, especially in developed countries like the USA and Europe where birth is often handled the most poorly. Her book is divided into 2 main parts - the first is all birth stories of women who gave birth at The Farm, the community run by Ina May and fellow midwives where natural birth at home is the norm and celebrated by the community; the second is full of evidence based information about birth, pregnancy, etc. I had earmarked several of the birth stories to read during labor for encouragement (though, God lead us through such a fast labor, as I'll detail in another post, that reading was not even possible!). During my actual labor, I drew on the knowledge from this book about what IS normal in labor, from birth positions (I let my body guide mine and was fascinated!), vocalizations (as a more shy person at times, I did not know if I would vocalize, but I DID and it WORKS!), and just what my body was feeling! I had printed up and posted several Bible verses to reference when I was in labor and, along with these, I had in my heart and mind Ina May's quote "your body is NOT a lemon!" I would love to meet her one day and give her a hug and thank her for all she has done for women and babies and families in the United States and abroad! She promotes safe, healthy pregnancy and births with truth/evidence that is invaluable to so many women!
b. Praying Through Your Pregnancy
by Jennifer Polimino
This is a journal that has information on a baby's development each week with a connection to their character or the mother's own heart and growth as a Christian. There is nutritional information, spiritual information and, most importantly, scriptures from the Bible that speak God's ONLY truth into the heart of the mother as she prays over her unborn child. I used this to pray for both Jacob and Ruth and myself and our family. The topics were challenging at times, heart warming at others, encouraging, and helped me focus intentional times of prayer for my babies! I highly recommend this book to expectant mothers and, if God leads us to bring more children into our family, I will use this to guide my prayers for these children as we prepare for them!
5. CHILDBIRTH CLASS:
Although we took a childbirth class through our birth center with Jacob, we wanted a more thorough, independent childbirth class that focused on natural childbirth. Our midwife recommended a local instructor (who also happens to be a doula and thus has a ton of experience attending births) who we had heard of through the local community and who we had interviewed as a possible doula (it was a hard choice between her and the doula we chose - then we saw God's hand in having her guide us as a childbirth instructor so that both her and our doula were a part of our journey!). Her name is Jamie Hinton and we highly recommend her! Her class was incredible! It was a 10 week, modified Bradley class that met on Sunday nights at a local birth center. There were several couples in the class, with only 2 of us who were not first time parents. Of all the couples, us, the other couple who was having their 3rd child, and one other couple were planning out of hospital births. The rest of the couples were pursuing natural hospital births. Of the 3 couples planning out of hospital births, one was planning a birth center birth, and the other 2 of us were pursuing home births. The 2 of us pursuing home births were both not first time parents and both had previous hospital births (though hers were planned and ours unplanned). We really connected with these other couples, especially the couple on their 3rd child who were pursuing a home birth. We learned SO much about birth, babies positions, modern approach to birth that often inhibits true, natural God-designed birth, the benefits of some interventions, the risks of some interventions, how to prepare physically, mentally, and emotionally for a natural birth, etc. It allowed me to further process my first birth and what happened to us postpartum that was the most traumatic part of welcoming our precious son into this world. God used this class and Jamie to really help my heart and mind heal from some of the trauma of our first birth experience as we prepared for our second. It is this that lead us to realize that pregnancy and birth as a journey for us as a couple are not separated into 2 unique, separate experiences, but rather is one contiguous journey where the first informs and guides the second. After taking this class, I highly encourage any parent to take a good, thorough, evidence based childbirth class, whether you plan for a natural or medicated birth! It is empowering and informative and puts us as Mama and Daddy in the driver's seat when it comes to making informed choices. We were guided on diet, nutrition, exercise, books to read, etc. that were invaluable in our preparation for having both a healthy pregnancy and an empowering, healthy birth! For me, even as a 2nd time Mother, taking this class was a must! For any mother (or father) out there who had less than positive birth experiences, taking such a class is a great way of processing and laying to rest that first (or 2nd or 3rd, etc.) birth experience that opens your heart and mind to the birth to come.
THEN.... THE WAITING...ZWISCHEN
Having done all this preparation, seeking to be a good steward of this opportunity to carry a child God had given us, I was filled with such excitement and anticipation for the arrival of our baby girl. I had eagerly looked forward to Jacob's birth and, with all we did from the time of his birth through our 2nd pregnancy, I felt so much more informed and empowered about both my first pregnancy, labor, and birth and in preparation for my second! Then, comes the waiting. With Jacob, I knew that first time mothers often go 41.5 weeks on average, so I really didn't feel too impatient until we passed 40 weeks. With Ruth, I had moments of impatience after 38 weeks, again after 39 weeks, and definitely when we hit the big 4-0! God used this to teach and mold me both as His daughter and a woman. At 40 weeks, He used our doula to encourage me about this waiting period and I blogged about it HERE. In fact, my whole journey with pregnancies and birth and motherhood have been a humbling way my Lord has guided my life as a Christian, taught me about Himself, His hand in my life, and His incredible grace, patience and love. I know the Lord uses different ways of teaching His children that often put us in a state of awe, humility, and gratitude for His grace and discipline that grows and teaches us. For me, being a wife, a pregnant woman, and a mother are a huge part of how the one true God has reached into my life to draw me to Him.
As I waited, I felt like I had planned this huge event, like when I planned my wedding, yet it had an indefinite date that I had to simply trust the Lord to bring about! At times it was hard and others it gave me such peace to remember that HE is in control and when we think we have control is when we are most lacking peace and focus on God. The final week before Ruth was born, the Lord reached down and showered His love in a way like I've never known before. As one who has often grappled with faith and assurance in Christ to the point of intense melancholy, God drew near to me in a way like never before. The Thursday before labor started on Friday, I walked through something of a valley in the waiting and God began to draw me near and show me Himself and how we MUST wait on Him in a way that built my faith and my awe of HIM like never before! Friday morning, October 5th, I woke at 5:30am, 1.5 hours before I normally wake up with my son. I felt compelled to GET UP. I had an incredible time with the Lord that I rarely take in the busyness of motherhood. I prayed, sought truth in His Word, and found in HIM, in trusting HIM, a peace. That morning, we had a midwife appointment and I shared with our midwife and she reaffirmed our need to trust God's timing and that HE is in control, regardless of any physical signs I did or did not have about impending labor. I found such peace and a willingness to wait through my time with God and our appointment with our midwife.
The rest of the day I had with Jacob and it was such a blessed time with me and my boy, as I had come to think it would be at least a week or more until Ruth's arrival and I wanted to cherish each moment with my son. That had been my theme that week - time with Jacob. Then, after Jacob was in bed and our home tidied up for the evening, I sat to blog about where my heart was, our waiting, Jacob being 23 months old (as of that very day) and to watch a show some local birth friends had mentioned called "Call the Midwife" that is a PBS miniseries. It started at 9:00pm CST. By 9:45pm, the show was almost over and I was riveted! Plus, I was just about done, lacking about a sentence, on a blog post about God's work in my heart and our waiting period. THIS is the blog post I was typing as I watched "Call the Midwife" when, as my heart rested and least expected it, my water broke at 9:45pm and my life was forever changed!
Labor had begun! And here is our BIRTH STORY as we welcomed our daughter into our family of 4!
~ Mama Bruffey
Daughter of God, Wife of One, Mother of Two
3. CHIROPRACTIC CARE:
I used a prenatal chiropractor with my first pregnancy. Then, with our labor with Jacob and him being malpositioned, it was recommended I use a chiropractor in our area known for positioning babies. Her name came up again and again and, as God would have it, she is the same chiropractor who adjusted Jacob as a newborn and caused his hematoma to completely go away after 2 adjustments in the period of a week, even after his pediatrician said it would probably always slightly be there because it was so extreme and had bone in it! We are firm believers in the benefit of good chiropractic care! Our chiropractor is Dr. Chandra Crisp with New Beginnings Chiropractic. She also did a home visit and adjusted Ruth the same day she was born! I do LOVE the natural birth community in Dallas/Fort Worth!
4. BOOKS TO INFORM AND GUIDE:
I read several things throughout my pregnancy this time, but the 2 books I recommend the most are:
a. Ina May's Guide to Childbirth
by Ina May Gaskin
Written by the woman who is considered the matriarch of midwivery care here in the United States, this book is an invaluable research to any mother who wants to know, trust, and believe in her body and pursue a natural childbirth while being well informed with evidence-based knowledge about her body and healthcare and birth! The only modification we made as I read through this with the guidance of my midwife is to not trust in my body, but trust in my God while being a steward of the body He designed and gave me. This difference to my heart and mind were huge. But, beyond this, I wholeheartedly agree with all Ina May writes! Her summary statement at the end of the book tells women, if they take nothing else away from her book, to remember, "Your body is NOT a lemon!" Modern healthcare looks for problems to diagnose and thus, modern obstetrics often frames pregnancy and birth as though it is an illness to treat. There are so many truths about what happens when a woman is naturally giving birth that have been lost in modern healthcare and thus, when a woman is going through labor, doctors and nurses often see a "problem" when there is not one. Ina May is highly respected at both a national and international level and often called on to speak to those in obstetrics to help improve the way birth is handled, especially in developed countries like the USA and Europe where birth is often handled the most poorly. Her book is divided into 2 main parts - the first is all birth stories of women who gave birth at The Farm, the community run by Ina May and fellow midwives where natural birth at home is the norm and celebrated by the community; the second is full of evidence based information about birth, pregnancy, etc. I had earmarked several of the birth stories to read during labor for encouragement (though, God lead us through such a fast labor, as I'll detail in another post, that reading was not even possible!). During my actual labor, I drew on the knowledge from this book about what IS normal in labor, from birth positions (I let my body guide mine and was fascinated!), vocalizations (as a more shy person at times, I did not know if I would vocalize, but I DID and it WORKS!), and just what my body was feeling! I had printed up and posted several Bible verses to reference when I was in labor and, along with these, I had in my heart and mind Ina May's quote "your body is NOT a lemon!" I would love to meet her one day and give her a hug and thank her for all she has done for women and babies and families in the United States and abroad! She promotes safe, healthy pregnancy and births with truth/evidence that is invaluable to so many women!
b. Praying Through Your Pregnancy
by Jennifer Polimino
This is a journal that has information on a baby's development each week with a connection to their character or the mother's own heart and growth as a Christian. There is nutritional information, spiritual information and, most importantly, scriptures from the Bible that speak God's ONLY truth into the heart of the mother as she prays over her unborn child. I used this to pray for both Jacob and Ruth and myself and our family. The topics were challenging at times, heart warming at others, encouraging, and helped me focus intentional times of prayer for my babies! I highly recommend this book to expectant mothers and, if God leads us to bring more children into our family, I will use this to guide my prayers for these children as we prepare for them!
5. CHILDBIRTH CLASS:
Although we took a childbirth class through our birth center with Jacob, we wanted a more thorough, independent childbirth class that focused on natural childbirth. Our midwife recommended a local instructor (who also happens to be a doula and thus has a ton of experience attending births) who we had heard of through the local community and who we had interviewed as a possible doula (it was a hard choice between her and the doula we chose - then we saw God's hand in having her guide us as a childbirth instructor so that both her and our doula were a part of our journey!). Her name is Jamie Hinton and we highly recommend her! Her class was incredible! It was a 10 week, modified Bradley class that met on Sunday nights at a local birth center. There were several couples in the class, with only 2 of us who were not first time parents. Of all the couples, us, the other couple who was having their 3rd child, and one other couple were planning out of hospital births. The rest of the couples were pursuing natural hospital births. Of the 3 couples planning out of hospital births, one was planning a birth center birth, and the other 2 of us were pursuing home births. The 2 of us pursuing home births were both not first time parents and both had previous hospital births (though hers were planned and ours unplanned). We really connected with these other couples, especially the couple on their 3rd child who were pursuing a home birth. We learned SO much about birth, babies positions, modern approach to birth that often inhibits true, natural God-designed birth, the benefits of some interventions, the risks of some interventions, how to prepare physically, mentally, and emotionally for a natural birth, etc. It allowed me to further process my first birth and what happened to us postpartum that was the most traumatic part of welcoming our precious son into this world. God used this class and Jamie to really help my heart and mind heal from some of the trauma of our first birth experience as we prepared for our second. It is this that lead us to realize that pregnancy and birth as a journey for us as a couple are not separated into 2 unique, separate experiences, but rather is one contiguous journey where the first informs and guides the second. After taking this class, I highly encourage any parent to take a good, thorough, evidence based childbirth class, whether you plan for a natural or medicated birth! It is empowering and informative and puts us as Mama and Daddy in the driver's seat when it comes to making informed choices. We were guided on diet, nutrition, exercise, books to read, etc. that were invaluable in our preparation for having both a healthy pregnancy and an empowering, healthy birth! For me, even as a 2nd time Mother, taking this class was a must! For any mother (or father) out there who had less than positive birth experiences, taking such a class is a great way of processing and laying to rest that first (or 2nd or 3rd, etc.) birth experience that opens your heart and mind to the birth to come.
THEN.... THE WAITING...ZWISCHEN
Having done all this preparation, seeking to be a good steward of this opportunity to carry a child God had given us, I was filled with such excitement and anticipation for the arrival of our baby girl. I had eagerly looked forward to Jacob's birth and, with all we did from the time of his birth through our 2nd pregnancy, I felt so much more informed and empowered about both my first pregnancy, labor, and birth and in preparation for my second! Then, comes the waiting. With Jacob, I knew that first time mothers often go 41.5 weeks on average, so I really didn't feel too impatient until we passed 40 weeks. With Ruth, I had moments of impatience after 38 weeks, again after 39 weeks, and definitely when we hit the big 4-0! God used this to teach and mold me both as His daughter and a woman. At 40 weeks, He used our doula to encourage me about this waiting period and I blogged about it HERE. In fact, my whole journey with pregnancies and birth and motherhood have been a humbling way my Lord has guided my life as a Christian, taught me about Himself, His hand in my life, and His incredible grace, patience and love. I know the Lord uses different ways of teaching His children that often put us in a state of awe, humility, and gratitude for His grace and discipline that grows and teaches us. For me, being a wife, a pregnant woman, and a mother are a huge part of how the one true God has reached into my life to draw me to Him.
As I waited, I felt like I had planned this huge event, like when I planned my wedding, yet it had an indefinite date that I had to simply trust the Lord to bring about! At times it was hard and others it gave me such peace to remember that HE is in control and when we think we have control is when we are most lacking peace and focus on God. The final week before Ruth was born, the Lord reached down and showered His love in a way like I've never known before. As one who has often grappled with faith and assurance in Christ to the point of intense melancholy, God drew near to me in a way like never before. The Thursday before labor started on Friday, I walked through something of a valley in the waiting and God began to draw me near and show me Himself and how we MUST wait on Him in a way that built my faith and my awe of HIM like never before! Friday morning, October 5th, I woke at 5:30am, 1.5 hours before I normally wake up with my son. I felt compelled to GET UP. I had an incredible time with the Lord that I rarely take in the busyness of motherhood. I prayed, sought truth in His Word, and found in HIM, in trusting HIM, a peace. That morning, we had a midwife appointment and I shared with our midwife and she reaffirmed our need to trust God's timing and that HE is in control, regardless of any physical signs I did or did not have about impending labor. I found such peace and a willingness to wait through my time with God and our appointment with our midwife.
The rest of the day I had with Jacob and it was such a blessed time with me and my boy, as I had come to think it would be at least a week or more until Ruth's arrival and I wanted to cherish each moment with my son. That had been my theme that week - time with Jacob. Then, after Jacob was in bed and our home tidied up for the evening, I sat to blog about where my heart was, our waiting, Jacob being 23 months old (as of that very day) and to watch a show some local birth friends had mentioned called "Call the Midwife" that is a PBS miniseries. It started at 9:00pm CST. By 9:45pm, the show was almost over and I was riveted! Plus, I was just about done, lacking about a sentence, on a blog post about God's work in my heart and our waiting period. THIS is the blog post I was typing as I watched "Call the Midwife" when, as my heart rested and least expected it, my water broke at 9:45pm and my life was forever changed!
Labor had begun! And here is our BIRTH STORY as we welcomed our daughter into our family of 4!
~ Mama Bruffey
Daughter of God, Wife of One, Mother of Two
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