Today: What I Know

Today... I am still pregnant! Today, my baby has a heartbeat (124 bpm)!!! Today, my baby measures just right (6 weeks, 5 days)! Today, the ultrasound tech saw what seems to be an INTACT corpus luteum! TODAY: God is still THE great physician!

Baby B #2 (6 weeks, 5 days)

REWIND:

2 weeks & 3 days ago, having known we were pregnant for just a few days and still shaking our heads (since our first test was negative, I couldn't wrap my brain around the 5 positive tests I took)... I started having bleeding and cramping. Our O/B and 2 midwives thought a strong possibility that we were miscarrying. Trip to the ER showed a ruptured corpus luteum that was probably the cause of the pain and possibly bleeding and it was too early to see anything through the ultrasound. Then, HCG tests over a week that did keep going up and were close to doubling, then an ultrasound last week that showed a still ruptured corpus luteum (remnants were what the u/s tech said she saw on my  left ovary) and they couldn't yet find a heartbeat. My doctor was optimistic yet cautious and wanted to see me in a week to see if the baby was still growing and if we could find a heartbeat. He has had me on progesterone for 2 weeks to make up for the lack of support/nutrition from the corpus luteum and on light duty and not allowed to lift anything, including my precious 15 month old. (This has been one of the two hardest things - the other being not knowing if my already beloved baby would live.)

HIS STRENGTH:

I have been covered in prayer by so many beloved friends and family and God's peace has affirmed that He is with me - and sovereign over life. I knew that the baby might soon be in Heaven with Him, and with loving friends and family. I ached to not have my baby with me, and knew I would grieve if this baby were to die, but I trusted the goodness of my God and His plan that I cannot see. I remember a dear friend who lost a little one who leaned on the song that says, "When you cannot see His hand... trust His heart." This is what I have been striving to do. Walking one. day. at. a. time. And begging God to spare my child, but knowing that many babies are in His arms in Heaven today. 

THE AMAZING:

Today, I walked in for my sonogram while Josh was at work and my dear Granny took care of my boy at home. I sat and thought "these could be the last minutes I have with this much wanted, much loved baby, so I'll treasure them no matter what this ultrasound shows." Then, they called me back. I had the BEST ultrasound technician I've had - including my pregnancy with Jacob and the several sonograms we had with him. 

I explained my story to her and told her there were 3 things that I was most interested in: (1) if the baby was still growing and was on target in terms of measurement (2) if there was a heartbeat and (3) some clarity on this corpus luteum thing

She started the ultrasound and said IMMEDIATELY, "Well, I can SEE the baby's heartbeat!" I cried and said "praise Jesus!" She smiled and started doing the standard measurements. She told me the baby was measuring just fine! Then, she said, "Now which ovary did they see the ruptured corpus luteum on?" I told her it was the left. So, she started examining my ovaries. I could feel when she got to the left one and scanned and scanned and scanned... then she said, "Well this corpus luteum looks intact to me!" I was shocked and a chill ran through me, "What? Are... are you sure?" She said, "it doesn't look ruptured to me. Here, let me show you." She then took a still shot of my right ovary and froze it on the screen, then a still shot of the left and froze them side by side. She showed me where to see the ovary and its shape - then showed the big bulbous thing on top of the left... and said again that it didn't look ruptured to her! All I could think was, "God healed it!" I KNOW there can possibly be other reasons (my doctor felt the other 2 u/s techs just didn't see it right since I was so early on), but I believe in miracles! She said that everything looked "normal"! Then, she let me hear the heartbeat! It was beautiful!! 

THE UNCERTAIN:

Then, she told me, "Now don't rat me out to the doctor, but I want to show you something..." then she showed me that there are lots of blood clots in my uterus, outside of the gestational sac where the baby is. She told me this is VERY common and shouldn't be a problem, but that she would give the report to the doctor and he would talk to me about it.

So, I headed down to my appointment with my O/B with my first picture of my little one, with HOPE. 

Dr. Cummings walked in and said, "WOW! This is great - you should be PUMPED! You should call your husband and tell him you are pumped and we are moving full steam ahead!" 

We talked about what the tech had seen and he told me I still needed to be very careful until we got through the first trimester. After having done some reading about blood clots during pregnancy, I realize it can be serious or it can lead to nothing. It can lead to placental abruption (tearing) or miscarriage, or just reabsorb. This explains my doctors still-cautious approach to my first trimester. I asked if I could lift my son, and he said a firm "no" - not until I get through my first trimester and he gives me the "all clear." He did NOT mention the blood clots - I think he has gotten to know me well enough to know - until something IS an issue, no need to add worry. :-) But he does want me to be careful and take it easy until we get through this first trimester. 

Here is one article that gave the best overall information about blood clots in the uterus during pregnancy: http://www.justmommies.com/articles/subchorionic-hematoma.shtml

So, I am hopeful. Nervous about the blood clots since I don't know really what they mean or where they will lead, and it seems the possibilities can go in a variety of directions - reabsorbing, pulling the placenta which can lead to miscarriage, miscarriage, bleeding, etc... So, still, we walk one. day. at. a. time. - as a family of 4 with our God. 

SUMMARY:

We are so grateful for a healthy 6 week, 5 day old baby with a beautiful 124bpm heartbeat! 

My doctor was very optimistic. This is still a fragile pregnancy until we get through our first trimester. But what I've realized like never before in the past 2 1/2 weeks is that LIFE is fragile. I have family that is supporting me and helping me with my precious Jacob. Not being able to lift anything, especially as a mother, is hard. I am so grateful to Granny and mother for the help they've offered. Now, with the blood clots, I see even more the firm "no" from Dr. Cummings about lifting - Jacob or anything else of weight. I am going to continue to rest and keep my feet up as much as I can based on what I've read. And continue to pray, pray, and pray that God protect this little baby. 

I go back for a follow up on March 13th. By then, I'll be 10 weeks 6 days and will have a full physical workup and we will listen to the heartbeat with the external doppler. Josh will get to be with me then! 

THANK YOU to all those who have offered their prayers and support and friendship through this already intense journey for our precious baby. Here's to another day, another week, another month... 

for our family of 4.

PRAYER NEEDS:

1. Being a mama to my sweet 15 month old while not being able to lift him. Right now we are blessed to have my Granny here for a while, but we have 6 1/2 more weeks to get through this first trimester, so prayers for how this will work are most appreciated. What I read says the blood clots mean I need lots of rest and fluids - so how to balance work (I've been off but am not sure when/if to go back), motherhood, and house management (my living room is a disaster!). 
2. That God continue to protect and grow this precious baby.
3. That I walk in HIM and HIS PEACE as I process this new development of blood clots. Each appointment seems to add something new that makes my head spin and makes me realize how fragile life is. I'm SO ready to be at 20 plus weeks! But I have to live one day at a time and I want to trust HIM and not miss a day with my amazing husband, precious son and the family who are around us (like Granny!). 
4. That these blood clots do not lead to placental abruption/tear or miscarriage

THANK YOU!

Elizabeth

~ Mama of 2 ~