Bruffeys: A Family of Four!

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

~ Philippians 4: 6-7 (NASB)

Just over 2 weeks ago, Josh and I learned the most amazing news we had been hoping and praying for - we are pregnant with Bruffey Baby #2!! However, our hope turned to gripping fear just days later and a lack of peace had been over my heart from the moment the line turned pink on the test. I don't know why there was a lack of peace, but there has been. With my first pregnancy, I took one test and had a certainty that this baby would be healthy and was assured in my soul that the Lord was sending us our first child (Jacob). I am not sure the difference in my heart or the emotions that have gone all over the place about this 2nd precious baby. It has made for a very long, emotional, intense 2 weeks... but as the Lord's people have rallied around with prayer and encouragement, we've felt a peace that has allowed us to focus on one day at a time.  I've learned about friendships and myself and thought a lot about life's journey, seasons of life, and how fragile human life on earth really is.

You see, on Friday, January 27th (my dear father's 60th birthday) I started having bleeding and cramping. I contacted my O/B's office and two awesome midwives in our area - all thought it sounded like pretty much a definite miscarriage. I laid in bed scared and praying and feeling really sick. But, by Saturday morning, we had just a bit of spotting and I started feeling dizzy, nauseous, achy, light-headed and just sick... as the day wore on, the midwives checked in with me and I called the on-call O/B (who, as GOD alone had planned, was my actual O/B who I LOVE! He works as a backup to midwives and is just amazing) and he kept in touch as well. By Saturday night, we were recommended to go to the ER to clarify what was going on and see if there was an ectopic pregnancy, as these can turn into something dangerous quickly. Our story unfolds from there...  

I have emailed out 4 updates to friends/family who have known and been praying. We wanted to wait and share with everyone closer to 12 weeks or so, but with the turn of events, we have decided to share to seek prayer from friends and family as we walk this uncertain path. Here are those updates (most recent is first and earlier are below). We welcome all the prayers for this precious baby! We are approximately 6 weeks 1 day as of today (based on ultrasound). We've seen prayers answered already and are taking life one day at a time with our Lord and our family of 4 - like never before. 

IV. Monday 2/6/2012

We made it back from our first official prenatal appointment. It is all SO different than my pregnancy with Jacob. I know I shouldn't compare, but it's just mind boggling - with an O/B I am in one room to see the doctor, another floor in another room for a sonogram, etc... Josh came with me and we brought Jacob and we felt stressed to keep him "reeled in" which was never an issue when we were pregnant before because (1) there was no other sibling and (2) birth centers have toys and are very family friendly! But we really love our O/B!

The summary of where we are: still waiting to know anything definite so please keep praying

Here's the latest:

• We had a sonogram and they were able to see the baby IN the uterus (PRAISE GOD!!) - they same the gestational sac and fetal pole, which is apparently a very good thing. 
• They could not yet detect the heartbeat, but the ultrasound tech said that can vary.
• Our dates put us at 5 weeks 5 days, and the ultrasound measurements put us at 5 weeks, 6 days - our dates and the ultrasound matching is apparently a very good thing, too - it means the baby is progressing which is a good sign. 
• She did see that apparently the corpus luteum (the cyst that develops on one of your ovaries and supports the pregnancy for the first 13 weeks until the placenta takes over fully) has ruptured, but there were remnants of it. She didn't think it was a big deal that it ruptured, but Dr. Cummings does... but he said only time will tell. I am on progesterone supplements to help support the pregnancy. 

After the ultrasound, we saw Dr. Cummings... I told him that I have a NASTY sinus infection (y'all - I've been drinking apple cider vinegar with garlic and cayenne pepper and doing my neti pot constantly and STILL it has gotten worse - so bad my face feels like it is bruised from being punched due to the intensity of the infection) because I had gotten afraid and stopped cold turkey taking my allergy/asthma medications. He said, "We will NOT live in fear. I do not live in fear and we are not going to approach this pregnancy in fear. Take your medicines - if you can't breathe, your baby can't get the oxygen it needs." He gave me an antibiotic since I've had the infection over a week. He told me I didn't have to take it if I didn't want to... but my face hurts SO badly, I've decided to take it.

He said he would have liked to see a heartbeat, but that it is still early and can vary, so I go back next Monday (2/13) for another ultrasound at 2pm then I see Dr. Cummings again immediately after.

He told me not to do any heavy lifting or strained pushing (ie - vacuuming)... and to lift Jacob on a limited basis if at all and to only lift with my knees. So, that will be tricky. Josh and I decided I'll feed him and change diapers on the floor and thus only need to lift him into his crib and the bathtub. With a 15 month old who is used to being worn and carried a lot, this has been a hard adjustment for us both! (UPDATE: Granny is here as long as I need to help with Jacob! Hallelujah for family!)

I asked him if we could be "cautiously optimistic" and he said, "I'm optimistic!" He said if things hadn't progressed and my HCG numbers hadn't been doubling, he might be "cautious" but with how things are he is "optimistic" - as I talked with Josh after, we agree that he doesn't seem like he would recommend decorating a nursery at this point, but that, well, as he said "we should not live in fear!" He said to me, "you're a worrier aren't you? You're going to give me quite the work out aren't you?" I told him "well, it's just that I'm a planner who likes to know what's coming." He said, "That's female for "I'm a worrier!" I know women and any woman who tells me "I'm a planner" tends to worry" Josh really likes him! And, I never thought of myself as a worrier, but I do like to be in control and this is the greatest situation of being out of control I've ever known - so God is growing me for sure and I feel confident in God's hands and the hands of Dr. Cummings.

PRAYER NEEDS:

1. the baby keeps developing!!
2. God protects the baby in spite of the ruptured corpus luteum
3. that we hear a heartbeat at next week's appointment! (or that they can at least detect on through the ultrasound - however that works)
4. that this sinus infection clears soon so I have more energy and overall health
5. that Jacob and I find our rhythm with this "new normal" - I feel torn about fully being Jacob's mommy (picking him up, playing, etc.) and fully being the Mommy I need to for this baby (being careful, not straining, etc.)

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III. Wednesday, 2/1/2012

I went in today and my HCG from Monday 1/29 was 518... I saw the O/B (who is pleased so far with the numbers, but I was hoping it would be higher)... I had fever all day yesterday and on and off today so am using tylenol, rest and a lot of water to help... I got another blood draw this morning and the nurse called me at 5:45pm - the HCG from today is 988! So it is going up and close to doubling, which they said is normal and fine... the possible ruptured cyst is an issue - but we can't tell anything until a sonogram can show a baby in the uterus that is viable and healthy - AND show if the needed cyst did indeed rupture or not... if it did, there is still a higher chance of miscarrying up until 13 weeks or so when the placenta takes over fully providing all the baby needs... so this could be a long journey of prayer, waiting, hoping, and "one day at a time"... With where my HCG level is now, I feel certain by Monday we'll be able to see what we need to see when I have my first "official" prenatal appointment... or that is my prayer. I am so praying that the cyst did not rupture... but the O/B has me on progesterone supplements that should help some if the cyst did rupture...

It's so funny - with Jacob, I waited until day 39 of my cycle (I'm on day 36 now) and tested - took ONE test and told everybody I was pregnant and never looked back... we had bleeding at about 10 1/2 weeks, but one sonogram showed a healthy baby and they found I had a severe UTI (I missed the symptoms because I thought, "hey, I'm pregnant - I pee a lot and I"m uncomfortable!" lol)... I've already seen this O/B more than I saw an O/B through my entire pregnancy with Jacob since we used a midwife!... but I am SO grateful for modern medicine and Dr. Cummings right now! I need to see those numbers and have an early ultrasound... and am glad for what medicine and intervention can tell me earlier than later.

Anyway - I've decided... today, I am pregnant... today, I have a baby that I'm caring for in my body... I can't predict tomorrow... but today I have this baby here with me. and I love him/her so much... and I just pray he/she is here for a long time beyond today.

One day at a time. Thank you for reading.

Thank you for your continued prayers on behalf of this sweet baby!

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II. Monday, 1/30/2012

Well, I called my O/B this morning and they had me come in to see the doctor. They did an HCG blood draw and I'll get those results tomorrow afternoon some time. I go back in Wednesday to have another blood draw. With me being so early, all they can do is track those HCG levels. The doctor said that, for now, my numbers look good.

Dr. Cummings told me that he hadn't yet seen the ER sonogram, but that, IF it is a cyst that ruptured that is not a good thing... IF it is a cyst it is possibly what is called the corpus luteum - a cyst that develops on the ovary when you ovulate, which is part of the pregnancy and supports the pregnancy through the first 12 to 13 weeks. IF this is what has indeed ruptured (and he said it is hard to know what they saw - could be that they just saw where I ovulated... though I am suspicious it is a ruptured cyst due to the timing of the pain I felt and the spotting)... that there is a 50% chance this pregnancy will miscarry... and all we can do is wait and see.

He said that, if this is the case, we will know through this week because my HCG levels will start to plummet.

I really can't talk much about it...my heat just aches and hopes and agonizes and prays... as we wait.... I just ask that you beg before our Lord for the life of this baby. I trust Him regardless and know HE is GOOD. I also believe in the power of the one to whom we pray, such that prayer is powerful because HE is powerful. So I plead before Him, but trust His sovereignty over life... and how much He loves me and this baby - HIS baby before He ever sent it to my womb.

My mother is here for a few days to help with my precious Jacob.

Thank you all for the notes of encouragement and prayer and for praying on behalf of both my beloved babies.

Elizabeth

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I. Sunday, 1/29/2012

After Friday night with spotting and yesterday with light spotting and constant pain, nausea and dizziness.. I was in touch with a wonderful midwife and my O/B's (Dr. Cummings) on-call doctor (who, as God would have it, was Dr. Cummings all weekend)... the midwife was concerned because my symptoms could be miscarriage, could be UTI, could be ectopic pregnancy... but it was just unclear and she was concerned that i not let a potential ectopic pregnancy go too long... so I called in to Dr. Cummings - he asked some questions and wasn't as concerned, but recognized that I was and was very supportive (we REALLY like him - he is the back up O/B for a local birth center and is renowned in our area as an O/B)... he said I should go to the ER so they could give clarity on what might be going on. So, we did.

We loaded up our sleeping boy about 8:45pm and headed to Denton to TX Health Presbyterian Hospital, because this is the hospital that Dr. Cummings works at and we live half way between Denton and Fort worth. The staff was friendly and quick and amazing.

Here's what we found in a nutshell:

1. It is really TOO early to tell much conclusively
2. What was good news: my hcg levels are 322 (they were 95 on Thursday - so tripled in 2 days time - that is really good); my cervix is closed (so no immediate miscarriage happening) and there was no blood they could find when they checked me (praise God!)
3. What is inconclusive that only time will tell as the pregnancy progresses: if there is a healthy baby that implants in the uterus - the ER doctor (she was great) and the ultrasound tech (he was AWESOME - Brad - his youngest child is 15 and was delivered by Dr. Cummings - we liked Brad a lot)... told me over and over with me being basically 2 weeks and 2 days past predicted ovulation (and thus -who knows when actual fertilization occurred) that they did not expect to see ANYTHING on the ultrasound... and sure enough, they didn't see anything in the uterus but emphasized again and again that this was SO normal and they never saw anything until hcg levels are in the thousands; What they DID see - what SEEMS to be a ruptured cyst on my left ovary - if it didn't appear ruptured and was just a whole little cyst, they would have just said "all's normal" because, as i learned with Jacob, when you're pregnant apparently you develop a cyst on one ovary.. I forget why... anyway, there was fluid from this "cyst" but he didn't see any blood... HOWEVER, it is TOO early to know for sure if this is a cyst or... the baby (which would mean an ectopic pregnancy)... 

SO: I am in a very surreal place. Trusting God and pleading for the life of my baby. But I KNOW this is HIS baby first... I can't yet get "excited" where I'm like "WE'RE PREGNANT!!" Reality is too.... well, real. My first official prenatal appointment with Dr. Cummings is a week from tomorrow, Monday Feb. 6th. But I am supposed to call his office tomorrow and ask how they want to proceed. The ER doc and u/s tech told me that, because they cannot 100% rule out an ectopic pregnancy, that my O/B would monitor me closely - all they can do right now is check my hcg levels often until I'm far enough along for a sonogram to show something... which could be next week or it could take 2 weeks. So I'll call tomorrow to see when they want me to come in for my next hcg check, etc.

So, we wait. and pray. and wait. and hope. and try NOT to worry. God is sovereign and good... and knows what's best for this baby and our family.

I am supposed to rest a lot and take it easy... if it is ectopic... there are so many things that I can't even think about... so I'm just going to wait.

My sweet mother is coming tomorrow for a few days to help with Jacob so I can lift minimally and rest as much as possible.

I covet your prayers: that this baby is healthy and implants in the uterus and that all I have is a cyst! And for Josh and Jacob as we all three weather this uncertain time.

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When we were first trying to get pregnant with our firstborn, I agonized and cried out to God and prayed with Hannah from 1 Samuel, begging for a child. Now my heart resonates with Jairus from Mark 5 (vs. 21 - 43) who asked the Lord to heal his child... that is my prayer!!

Elizabeth
~ Mama of 2 ~